Why the Sparrow?

What is it with all this sparrowiness? After all, a sparrow isn't particularly beautiful, strong, majestic, or highly sought after. No one posts pictures of the lovely sparrow they saw in their backyard. Or chooses it as their sports mascot. It's a bland, rather insignificant bird that easily goes unnoticed. But not completely.

In 2007, our family was nearing the end of our work contract in Prague, Czech Republic. We had settled into a pretty nice groove. We had a good community of friends, and were genuinely enjoying our time overseas. With the contract coming to a close, Brandon's employer presented us with two options: return to the States in a job to be determined OR head directly to another expat assignment... in China. Gulp. This marked the second time we had been asked to move to China (The first time was just prior to our decision move to Prague and was met with extreme sobbing by me. For two weeks. Without stopping.)

With a 3 year old and a 6 month old needing all of my attention, I wielded an "I miss America" attitude.

I struggled. I kicked. I pouted. I cried. And then, for the second time, I said, "No."

Shortly after my emphatic refusal, I remember pulling out the ironing board in my Czech kitchen and feeling rather sorry for myself, I decided to find some "I feel sorry for me" music on an internet playlist. I selected bluegrass because of a particular artist I enjoyed at the time and let it play. A few songs in, the rotation started to expand and a song by an artist I had never heard of before in my life began to play. I stopped mid-iron to listen to her song. Her name is Abigail Washburn. She is a banjo player/singer and the song was "His Eye is on the Sparrow". The song begins super slow and extremely melancholy and I thought "Ahhhh... Yes! Perfect for my wallowing-in-resistance-to-China moment" as I let the tears continue to flow. But then the song dramatically shifts. The tempo picks up. The joy in her song is contagious. And by the end of the song I immediately needed to play it again. And again. And again. (Look it up on Spotify. It's worth it!)

I HAD to find out who this artist was. So I quickly googled her name and found her bio. I read that she had traveled to China (of all places) intending to become a lawyer. She ended up staying for years, learned the language and fell completely in love with the culture. Much of her music is a melding of Chinese music with American bluegrass. "His Eye is On the Sparrow" is one of the products of her time in China.

I don't have "audible" God-spoke-to-me experiences. But the next day will always be seared in my mind. I was walking down the stairs of our home in Prague thinking about Abigail Washburn's story and song. As as I got to the bottom of our staircase, I remember a calm come over me and this clear unmistakable thought: "You ARE going to China".

And I felt peace, not fear.

But that was not the time. We had already told Brandon's employer "no". We felt strongly that we needed to return to the States to regroup, recover and reconnect.

Shortly after our return to the U.S., Brandon accepted a position with a different company in Brookfield, Wisconsin. In 2009, the kids and I accompanied him on a two-month stint in China. And I was giddy as I patted myself on the back and thought "There. Done! I did it. Cross China off the list!"

In 2011, Brandon was again asked to consider a move to China. This time I felt a peace and calm and said "maybe". But in the end, the timing was not right for us or for the company and we did not go.

Fast forward to 2019. Brandon was now working for a company based in the Minneapolis, MN area. The kids were three years in at their new school and getting very connected with friends, sports and activities. My graphic design work was going along swimmingly, and I was finding a lot of joy in developing a closer, deeper relationship with my younger sister who also lives in the Twin Cities. Then the phone rang. It was Brandon's previous employer (in Brookfield, WI), calling to ask – you guessed it – would you be consider coming back on board with us and accept a position in China? Ask #4 landed square at our feet.

"His eye is on the sparrow." Do I truly believe that? Well then, why should I be discouraged? Why should my heart be lonely? Jesus is my portion. He's my constant friend. His eye is on the sparrow, so I know he watches me.

So, for three years, we will live in Hong Kong while Brandon commutes to and from China for work. And while Hong Kong is not China, and in many ways offers a safety net from the full-on requirements of a life lived in China, it is still a huge transition, a leap of faith and monumental change to our family's way of life. I'm still anxious. And uncertain. And quite pouty some days. I worry about how my kids will acclimate. I fret about how I will survive. These unknowns set my wings flapping in a frenzy.

Yet I will choose to take flight.

I am small. I am insignificant. But not to him. And when my flapping, flailing wings leave me exhausted and alone (which I know will happen) I trust that the one who never turns his attention away from my little sparrow-self will be there to give me rest.